not sure if this came out the way I thought it.

So, I just had my first real Parent teacher conference. I had an appointment with Chloe's teacher this morning and I have to say it was great. I didn't really find out anything I didn't already know. But I must say, when the teacher told me that Chloe writes stories all day and wants to read them to her, even during math time, I was pleasantly surprised! I know it's not a good thing to be doing it during learning time, but being a closet writer myself, it was a proud moment. It's exciting to make a connection with your child that is simply through interest...if that makes any sense. On the other hand,balancing on the fine line between God-dependant thinking and conformity is not one of my strengths, so finding a way to teach it to a six year old may prove to be very difficult. I guess maybe it just sounds difficult. While I'm trying to teach her that she doesn't have to follow the majority, I am caught trying not to follow the majority in a soccer mom, see-how-many-sport-stickers-we-can-fit-on-the-window,parenting world. I guess it's something that you have to keep working at no matter what age you are and as long as you focus on the way God wants you to do it you can stay on the right path. Just don't think you can take any short-cuts and don't let someone with a different destination give you a copy of their directions.

finding the right thing to say

Everytime I find it in me to blog, I forget how to sign in. I guess that means I need to do it more. I'm sitting here at home on saturday morning. I tried to tell chloe and cam that I'm on vacation til noon. Didn't work. I thought it was a good idea at the time.

As usual, I have so much to say, but never know where to start. I went to a funeral last night. A very dear friend to our family lost his 24 year old son. Needless to say, i don't like funerals. like anybody does. I found myself just wanting to hug and hold people all night, even those i didn't know. I'm not usually a physically affectionate person. I never know what to say to people in these situations. I just want to make it better. Then I always kick myself after the fact for not saying the right thing. So this time I just kept asking God to give me the right words to help comfort these broken souls. All I could do is hug. I still stumbled over my words while looking into the eyes of people whose hurt i couldn't comprehend. Everytime I embraced someone though, something amazing happened that I have never really felt. I felt God's embrace closer than ever before. I felt Him use me to give His love to others. And each time I held another, I felt Him embrace me almost as if to thank me for not trying to "say the right thing" but to let Him work His way through me. Wow. After all of this, I found myself crying with a woman whom I don't know very well. She looked at me like she were waiting for me to say something like, i'm sorry or something you think you should say, and I almost did. Then all I could think or say was "The Lord knows what He is doing, as hard as it is to remember or understand in times like this , don't forget that He knows what He is doing" I am not trying to credit myself for saying something wonderful and legendary. I just get so amazed and excited when I let go and allow God to take over. I feel the need to tell everybody not for a pat on the back but for inspiration to others. I am not a pastor, or a really Holy person, which makes this all that much better. I am just an ordinary person definitely not of the strongest faith at times with an incredibly flawed past, present and future, but I was blessed with an ability to see and seize moments that God has set before me and for this I am more grateful than I can comprehend.
I have to admit I do feel selfish in that somebodies funeral ended up also being an enlightening experience, or did it just draw me closer to God?

I am so sorry for all of the family who lost an important and beautiful part of their world.

next time I look for satisfaction in a perfect cup of coffee, or wonder why I only seem to enjoy things under my own circumstances, I hope that I can remember the warm fullfillment God gave me through this experience that were under His circumstances. What a way to learn that I am not capable of creating satisfaction in my heart on my own. Humbling yet wonderful!

recession may not be so bad after all.

This is just a thought for those who might be getting depressed with all of the recession talk. we were going to take the kids to the movies today but on the way there decided it would be more fun, and less expensive to go to Walmart and buy some movies and snacks for our own movie marathon at home. We ended up with four movies and enough junk food to make us sick for the day, all for less than it costs to take your family to a movie. It's getting harder to not think about rising costs when that's all you hear about. But I've come to the conclusion that this is not as much of a bad thing as some think. All this tells me is that it's time for us to slow down and perhaps humble ourselves a bit. Now is a really good time for us as a society to reevaluate our needs and priorities. Maybe, higher gas prices mean families will have to learn how to spend time together at home. Maybe that would then lead to lower cell phone bills, lower credit card debt, more time to instill values into our children, less microwaved, deep fried, processed foods and more healthy home cooked meals at the table, more free walks at the park, more time for prayer, less time watching the television(with cable at $100 a month) more time playing board games with family and friends, more time to read free books from the library, and so on. Instead of feeling helpless and hopeless, let's start trying to read the messages events in life are telling us.

Well, I decided to sign up to volunteer for a UNICEF project. It's called the Tap project. On world water day (march 16th) restaurants who choose to participate will charge a dollar for tap water that we normally enjoy for free. The proceeds then go toward efforts to provide clean water access and sanitation to children around the world who need it. My job is to get the restaurants to participate. I've searched volunteer lists in the Pittsburgh area and have yet to find any others involved in this project. However, I found mojito and rum drinkers clubs, clubs for people who dress there tiny dogs and many more REALLY IMPORTANT organizations like this. I know that there are many good volunteer organizations in the area but I just find it a little odd that I haven't found anyone else (other than beth) involved in this particular project. okay, I'm done ranting. I don't feel bitter about many things. I may be hypocritical in saying this but, people who think the world stops at the end of rt 19 really bother me. You know, the ones who don't teach their children how to treat others that advertise the thirty-seven sports their kids play on the rear window. The people who join the PTO for no other reason than to gossip. They go to church every Sunday, yet they still think it is their job to judge others. I'm sorry, I know I'm generalizing but it seems like lately I've been encountering a lot of this. Meeting these types of people, and then reading that there are still parts of the world struggling for something so simple as clean water just brings out the bitterness in me.

i lost my blog again...

Here I am an hour and a half later. I lost my blog....again. I write my sign in info down, but I always lose the piece of paper I write it on. For a long time I've tried to change my scatterbrained ways. I think I finally just learned to embrace it. If something is laying around on the floor, I can remember which room and the exact location of the floor that the item is laying . If I put the item away, I forget where I put it. I'm starting to think this might be more of a talent than a problem. By the way, this is not what I intended to blog.

Well, I'm not real computer savvy. As a matter of fact, I wasn't exactly sure what a blog was. Sounds like it's a word that should be on beth's list of words she hates, Even though it doesn't star with "gn". I'm digressing. I was hesitant to do this for that very reason. I was just sitting here, wondering what to do. I wandered over to the computer and sat there. "now what?". I've been doing alot of praying. A voice told me to look on the BAC website (which by the way I have never seen before) . So I looked. Then I remembered Dan telling me I should blog. I was a little offended, because I didn't know what that meant. I've been really anxious lately, and feeling a little lost. When I read everyones blogs I was so happy. It reminded me that I have been blessed with some really great people in my life. Lately the phrase' count your blessings ' has played a very important role in my life. When my dad was in an accident, fear and emotion overwhelmed us all as we waited in the ER expecting the worst. But oddly enough, although I was feeling those fears too, I couldn't help to feel so blessed. Blessed to have a sincere church family who came to the hospital at 3:00am, blessed to be with my family. I was feeling so grateful. My mind was just constantly wondering" what does God have planned? What good is going to come from this?". Amazing. There I was, experiencing the most frightening even of my life, and yet I remained so calm and centered on God. The next days, for the first time in my life, I felt God carrying me. And no matter what, I was confident that my dad was going to be ok. I knew it would take time, but I had never felt so sure of anything in my life. I may never know God's plan for this event, I do know if it wouldn't have happened I would never have experienced the reality of God's love the way I did and am right this minute. I know this wasn't all about me, but I was just one small example of how God takes traumatic experiences and uses them for something good.